Jan 1, 2020
This year was a hard year. And to be honest to just say those 5 words out loud just drained me. 12 hours ago I was barely able to say them, I felt them in my heart. I knew it in my mind, but to say it out loud here on my podcast today is terrifying.
I am a 3 on the enneagram, I may have mentioned it before. But in my world I don’t like to admit when I am feeling something, because it feels like my weakness.
But after this past year and spending the past 2 months and entire holiday season trying to figure out how to pick myself up I realized that I needed to share it, but completely transparent and vulnerable.
In 2019 our kids went to the pediatrician over 30 times. We literally started the new year with pneumonia with our youngest, and are ending the year with our oldest having had the flu for the entire Christmas week and now have walking pneumonia. But in the 12 months between those dates we have had a buffet of other illness including whooping cough, multiple viruses, allergic reactions that lead to anaphylactic shock, and a diagnoses of Celiac in our older.
I must stop and say here out forever grateful I am that everything is treatable. And it is not a terminal illness. And I will be honest I was not going to share all of this on the podcast, until at thanksgiving a close friend came to visit. She needed something and I opened a kitchen cabinet that housed our daughters medicines. She was blown away and noted that I should share.
But my thoughts have always been there are people suffering way worse then we are.
And that is where I have identified my problem for the year, it is in the mindset. I have spent the last half of 2019 saying that someone has it harder and chose to internalize all of the pain at home.
Then in my business that mindset let to me getting discouraged when things were not going as planned and I felt like I was failing to use the saying, well someone else can do it better than me. So why try?
I will be honest I literally feel like I was having to pick myself up off the ground here at the end of the year. I feel like had failed at so many things. Which doesn’t sit well with me, plus it is not something I have experienced many times in my life.
I ended the year angry and bitter. I was short with everyone in my house.
I had started 2019 so strong and determined, why did I end on such a low note?
The start of the year I started with strong habits, it was a new year. Things were fresh, I was rested.
But then when the girls got sick, I tried to keep up with everything. I was determined to keep up with everything, instantly in Captain Mood. I will keep this ship afloat and be the super hero that saves us.
But the truth is, and may be hard for some to hear….. that someone being myself, we are not super heroes. We are humans who have needs. And those healthy habits helped meet my needs.
So ending the year, this is what I learned that a routine of self care each morning is a MUST. I must be grounded in myself, fill up my cup so that I can overflow and fill the needs of my family and pour into my business.
For me that looks like getting up before the kids, and having time to myself where I read my bible, meditate and then do a practice of gratitude. Then I take the time to plan out my day with intentionality, so the goals are clearly defined.
I challenge you this year to find a practice of self care to pour into yourself.
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